


we play a game it's like you're gonna get caught

by kaci3PO



Category: The League (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2018-01-04 02:37:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1075542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaci3PO/pseuds/kaci3PO
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm sorry, did you think us finding out about this was ever going to be a thing you'd live down?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	we play a game it's like you're gonna get caught

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dafna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dafna/gifts).



It's a depressingly common occurrence for Ruxin to storm into a room shouting about "treachery" and "collusion" by this point in the League's history. No one really pays it much mind anymore, which seems to infuriate him even further. Which, naturally, makes the whole thing even funnier.

Pete's not laughing this time.

"I knew it!" Ruxin shouts and brandishes a photo at the table. "I mean, not _this_ , obviously, but I knew that the three of you — ever since we let _her_ join — it was bad enough when you were the Security Council, but then she came along and it was a whole MacArthur husband-wife dynasty, but _this_?"

He slams the picture down in front of them and Jenny covers her mouth at the sight of it. It's not as bad as Pete knows it could be, but there's not really any alternate interpretations of the contents. Kevin cringes as Andre leans over to get a better look at it.

"Ruxin," Kevin says, "the three of us aren't —"

"Oh, you aren't?" Ruxin asks. "Are you lying to my face, Kevin? Are you _lying_ to my _face_?"

By this point, his face is mere inches away and so yes, Pete supposes that Kevin is in fact lying to it.

"You just spit on me, man," Kevin says, pushing Ruxin away. "Not cool."

"Not cool? Not _cool_? Is this how the three of you are running your teams? Are you whispering sweet trades behind closed doors like so much menage a pillow talk?"

At the mention of a threeway, Taco reaches out to pick up the photo and Jenny swiftly plucks it from his hand and slips it into her bra. Pete marvels, not for the first time, at how calm she stays even in moments like this.

"We're not colluding," Kevin says. "How did you even get this picture?"

"I have my sources," Ruxin says stiffly. "Maybe a certain elf named Kegel had a camera placed into his eye socket and maybe, just maybe, his home atop the shelf is the perfect vantage point from which to capture _evidence of collusion_!"

"Okay, one, that's creepy as hell. What the fuck is wrong with you?" Jenny says. "Two, there's a difference between colluding and —" She stops short and the three of them glance at each other automatically. And _what_?

"Andre, back me up here," Ruxin says. "Explain what you saw in the picture."

"Well, it looked to me like Jenny was kissing Pete and Kevin was sucking on her earlobe, and I think Pete and Kevin had their hands on each other's thighs," Andre says. "But I'd need to see it again to be sure." He reaches out toward Jenny's chest like he's going to take it from her. She smacks his hand away and covers her chest, giving him a foul look. He pulls his hand back, properly abashed, but Ruxin is not similarly chastened.

"Aha!" he says. "Therefore I submit to the court that Pete, Kevin, and Jenny are trading both handies and players in some kind of sick little trifecta of collusion!"

"Look," Pete sighs. "Yes, the three of us are sleeping together —"

"So you admit it!"

"But we're not colluding. If we were, Kevin and I wouldn't be dangerously close to Sacko territory."

Ruxin stops to consider that. "Maybe the two of you are taking one for the team to help Jenny," he says.

Jenny scoffs. "I don't need the help," she says. "And I think you know that, _Rodney_."

"Really, Jenny? Fantasy hubris, too?"

"It's not hubris if I win," she says. "Which I did last year. And, out of all of you shit sippers, I'm the only one who's never even been in the running for the Sacko."

"The lady has a point," Pete says. "Face it, Ruxin, there's no collusion here. Jenny's kicking our asses all on her own."

Ruxin looks between the three of them for a long moment and then seems to deflate.

"You're — you're not colluding?"

"No," Jenny says, voice dripping with fake gentleness, "you just suck."

Ruxin frowns at that and then quite suddenly starts to grin manically.

"I was right!" he shrieks with delight. "I knew it!"

"We — we just proved you wrong, dude," Pete says. "Are we even having the same conversation?"

"Not that," Ruxin says. "You two." He points at them each in turn, "Pete Top, Kevin Bottom. _I knew it._ "

"That's not —"

"Hey, Kevin, you kiss your wife with the same mouth you use to blow Pete? Trick question. You only have the one mouth. Jenny, what's it like tasting Pete's tiny penis second hand?"

"Okay, that's —" Pete starts.

"No, no, I've got more," Ruxin interrupts. "Pete, was Kevin plowing you while you were setting your lineup this week?" He mimes rocking forward while trying to use a computer, eyes closed and wildly clicking with an invisible mouse.

"Really, Ruxin?" Jenny asks.

"Oh, my turn," Andre cuts in. "Yo, Kevin, you like watching your wife have sex with your best friend?"

They all stare at him in awkward silence until Taco pipes up, "I think it's beautiful. It completes the circle of brotherhood."

"It — what? Taco, how does this complete the circle of brotherhood?" Kevin asks.

"Pete's my eskimo brother," Taco says. "And through the law of the eskimo family tree, now my real brother is also my eskimo brother-in-law."

"Jesus, that's creepy," Ruxin says. "It's downright incestuous."

"It's not incestuous," Kevin says defensively. "Can we just drop it?"

"No, we absolutely can not drop it," Ruxin says gleefully. "I'm sorry, did you think us finding out about this was ever going to be a thing you'd live down?"

"We were kind of hoping you'd never find out, actually." Pete shrugs.

"I have eyes everywhere," Ruxin says. " _Everywhere!_ "

"You're a psychopath," Jenny says. "And I'm destroying that stupid elf."

"Go ahead," Ruxin says with a smirk. "I never said Kegel was my only spy."

"We have to do a sweep of the house," Jenny says in an undertone to Kevin.

"And possibly a psychological evaluation," Pete adds.

"Whatever," Ruxin says, waving them away. "The point is this: whatever thing you three have going on is fair game and if you ever use it to your advantage in the League then I will take you down."

"Please," Jenny says. "With whose help? The frittata twins?"

Ruxin glances over at Taco and Andre and sighs. "Alright, fine, but _I won't like it._ "

Ruxin doesn't like anything, though, so that's okay.

Under the table, Jenny's hand finds his and beside her, Kevin smiles. So really, all things considered, everyone finding out could've gone a lot worse.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't decide if I should give you a funny story or a more serious one for this fandom, so I wrote both. Happy Yuletide, Dafna!
> 
> The title comes from ["Two Guys For Every Girl"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?i%20am%20nv=Zm1h23phvj8) by Peaches because I am nothing if not unbelievably cheesy.


End file.
